Attachment

I don’t think there are enough curse words in the dictionary to capture the way I feel about this painting. It’s bad. And what’s worse is that I’ve been immobilized by it. Haven’t been able to pick up a brush to rally against it in what seems like weeks. Sure, I’ve got other projects going on – but still. I’m pissed and frustrated and, if playing the observer, once again captivated by the behavior of the winds of creativity – sometimes they blow hot, and at other times … “Welcome to the Frozen Tundra”, Population 1.

But here’s the kicker and the little piece of intel that I’ll dole out here for the public dossier – when I get stuck like this, it’s an indicator of some shift in internal state. What does that mean? It means that the person that I was when I started this a few weeks ago is different. In this particular case, I remember initially approaching this piece with a care-free naivete and a desire to make it simple and easy. Yea and that’s working out really, really f’ing well. So what’s changed/changing? I actually don’t know yet. But I do know that the longer a painting remains unresolved for me – the more vulnerable and insecure I tend to feel, which opens the door to all kinds of self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy. I know right? How can a painting be all that? Maybe being stuck with a piece is more of a reflection of my relationship to the world in general and if I work on getting into balance there – the piece will resolve itself. The jury is still out on that thought because at the end of the day, the only way to really work a painting is to work the damn thing and not sit around moping about it.

To hell with it, I’m moping. Do not disturb.

Here are the most recent process pics from the last couple weeks:

And most recently:

FUBAR

Banco de Gaia, Last Train to Lhasa. Old school….